Understanding Anger
I had a great session today! A client of mine reached out a couple of months ago with the goal of learning to express anger in healthier ways. At that time, she tended to express her anger explosively, letting her emotions control her actions.
Did you know there are four primary ways we express anger? These are:
Authentic or Healthy Anger: Involves striving for a win/win compromise, we negotiate assertively while communicating our needs. The goal is to simply to open a discussion about conflict resolution. It carries no attack, or blame and it doesnt come from a victimised position.
Explosive Anger: Expressed in an agressive win / lose manner, with the expectation of winning at the expense of the other person, the goal is to intimate the other and achieve a winner-takes-it-all outcome
Implosive or Suppressed Anger: Common among individuals who are uncomfortable with conflict or tension in relationships. Internalised anger is directed at the self, where the goal may be manipulation through the expression of guilt.
Passive-Aggressive Anger: Typically employed as a strategy force the other person to show anger and then feel bad.
The progress my client made has been incredible! You know why? Because she exposed herself to different conflicts and experiences, allowing herself to take different actions. Each step was uncomfortable and difficult, but she persevered. Through our recent sessions and her assignments, we observed:
When her anger wasn’t explosive, it tended to be suppressed.
We identified the underlying reasons for her suppressed anger.
Recognizing these triggers as they arise in relationships was crucial.
She developed a pattern: after suppressing her anger once or twice, she realized it didn’t solve the problem and would eventually express it.
Now, she has a solid plan to communicate her anger assertively when triggers arise.
I invite you to observe your own experiences with anger.
Which of the four types of anger do you typically exhibit?
Do you need to make changes to acknowledge that anger is a positive emotion that can help us solve problems?
