Six steps in my story about how I came to do this work...
I can tell you the exact day I began my self-discovery journey…
It is 2015 and I am living in Barcelona doing a temporary job. I remember so clearly the feeling of empowerment and independence for where I was in life.
At this very moment:
✔ I am healthy
✔ My job is challenging and satisfying
✔ I am living abroad, in a beautiful country
✔ I have friends from different backgrounds and cultures who are my family here
✔ I enjoy the Spanish cuisine dining out daily
My younger self dreamt of living the life I am!
And yet, my smile fades away.
I soon learn, this feeling of happiness and excitement is short lived.
I am longing for
✔ something different than tapas and laughing with friends,
✔ something more sustainable, with more substance.
I am deeply desiring a partner, I figure here, in the streets of Barcelona.
Like a slice straight into my heart, my body is confirming the deep pain and longing.
I deeply miss a loving soul, someone to:
❤ support me
❤ respect me
❤ share my feelings with
❤ communicate my daily struggles & exciting moments to
❤ hold me whenever the ground starts to shake
❤ build an inspiring future with
Then I hear my inner critic creeping into my head
Could that person even exist?
Are my desires too much for today’s day and age?
Am I truly worthy of this love?
My job abroad concludes, and I return to the Netherlands where I have been living since I was 19, the place I call my second home. I still have that feeling inside of me that I am deeply longing for a partner to share my life with.
To fill this void, I brought a dog into my life. My beloved Yoshi, someone who greets me with so much excitement after a busy day at work, someone who encourages me to go on long walks in nature, a loyal, dependent relationship has begun.
After a couple of months, I am left feeling this void yet again. I realize that getting my dog was simply a band aid for my deep wound.
The questions and doubt come flooding back in, wondering if I am ever going to feel at peace and happy or if I will continue living the same way;
moving from country to country as if this excitement will cover my need of stability
postponing on buying my own place to build a home for myself
scheduling my entire free time with people to avoid feeling alone
taking more and more responsibility at work so I feel needed & useful
I kept wondering…
Can I really have it all?
Yes, I made it happen. So can you!
I knew I needed to start my healing journey.
I spent countless hours reading, exploring, reflecting on who I am and who I want to be. Through this I found out that;
I have an anxious attachment style that comes straight from my childhood relationships
I attract avoidant partners
I am drawn to the intensity & the chemistry of the relationship
What I have been so attracted to at the beginning becomes what I dislike the most after 1-3 years
Then I start to feel anxious, replaceable, unseen, not good enough
That causes me to get frustrated, disappointed, sad
Which ends up in me acting needy, taking on a victim identity
So I would jump to the next partner, never looking deep within myself. And so my new relationship feels almost the same as the last.
Do any of these patterns here sound familiar to you?
Are you also struggling to break free from recurrent pattern in partnerships?
Does your desired relationship seem so out of reach?
I promise you, you are not alone. I have been there.
Transformation is possible and just an arm’s length away
My biggest transformative steps to become who I needed to be, worthy of receiving this intimate, committed relationship were:
Accepting my flaws & embracing my feminine complexity
Balancing the time spent with others and time with myself
Becoming responsible for my choices in partners
Becoming my own observer
Allowing myself to slow down and experience stillness
Focusing on self-awareness and healing
For many of us, we need to come home to our true self before we start building something intimate with anyone else.
Once I truly revealed and released the identities that no longer served me, that void disappeared.
Today I am in a committed and emotionally engaged partnership with an individual who shares my values.
Going through this explorative journey, over many years, I also revealed my main values:
Connection
Authenticity
Community
Love
Growth
Stability
My biggest purpose behind the work I do is to create a safe space and a community for other women who are going through the same pain and frustration that I did.
It’s time to regain your power, take ownership of your life, and take bigger steps towards your dream. I’m here to let you know, it’s possible! And it begins by becoming aware of your emotions.
My 12-week 1-on-1 coaching journey will enable you to invest in yourself. I am here to serve you as an honest, judgement-free coach. Together we can begin your journey to discover your authentic self, resulting in the flourishing life that you desire.